Nightmare

Nightmare


It hurts. My head hurts. It hurts so bad I can´t even open my eyes.

Why should I open them anyway? My room is dark, I keep the curtains down day and night, so it makes no difference if I keep my eyes open or closed, it´s always dark. It´s dark when I´m awake, it´s dark when I´m asleep.

Even my dreams are dark. They are populated with shadows moving in a way I can´t deciphrate. I try to recognize the shadows, but I can´t see very well. It´s like having a thick fog in your eyes. I get tired of trying to figure out what is going on with the shadows and I concentrate on myself. I realize then that I can´t move. I can´t move a finger, I can´t even close my eyes. Why is that? Ah, wait I moved my tongue. A quick move, but I was able to taste something. A strange taste of steal. Why do I have steal in my mouth?


Isane said I dreamed of the moment I was stabbed by Captain Aizen. That would explain the taste of steal in my mouth.


Today Captain Unohana visited me. After she heard of my dreams, she placed her hand on my temple and began reciting a complicated healing Kidou spell. I tried to concentrate on the words but I soon gave up, in my head a nice refreshing sensation. She then gave me weird bottles of medicine that I should take every time I go to sleep. I take one now, in my head the strange refreshing sensations spreading again. She said this will allow me to sleep well.

I hope it does. I don´t want to dream of the shadows again.
________________________________________

I can open my eyes. The pain in my head is not completely gone but it´s not as strong as before. I can even move my head now.

The room is dark, like always. I cannot tell if it´s day or if it´s night.

Wait, what is that? Is that light? Ah, it looks that they haven´t closed the door properly, light is sliding inside.

I want to go back to sleep, but something stops me. I can´t stop staring at the light.
Suddenly the light disappears. They have closed the door. No more light.
…
…
The darkness is suffocating me.
…
…
…
No. No. NO. NO. GET THE LIGHT BACK, GET THE LIGHT BACK!

I start crying and screaming, and shouting. Take me away from this room, please, someone, help me!

I can´t move I can only scream and cry. I´m losing my mind again. HELP ME, HELP ME!

The door opens again. Someone heard my cry. Someone is coming to help me!

The next moment someone is beside me and lifting me. Then suddenly he pulls me closer to him and I can feel the warmth coming from his body.

He´s carrying me outside. I can´t see him very well, my eyes hurt because of the strong light and I´m still crying.

I´m not scared though. Something about the man carrying me is familiar. It´s a nice feeling, makes me feel like when I was a little child. I remember Granny used to tell me to pay more attention or I would get hurt and Shirou-chan teasing me for my recklessness… Shirou-chan.

I freeze at that name, and suddenly realize who the person carrying me is, hands tight on my body, as if I am about to break into pieces any moment.

I open my eyes and see a pair of big emerald eyes looking back at me, filled with so many emotions. Concern, pain, anger. I get lost in these emotions and find myself drowning in his eyes.

The words of our last conversation coming to my mind…
Ne, Hitsugaya-kun… please save Aizen-taichou.
I can´t bear his look anymore.

I want to scream but no sound is coming from my mouth.

I don´t remember losing conscious.

________________________________________

Two months had passed since that day.

I understand the truth now. Aizen-taichou is gone. He is preparing to attack us, attack Soul Society.

I don´t really know what to feel anymore.

I can understand that what he is doing is bad, and I definitely think he must be stopped, but still… somehow I wish I could see him again one last time. I think I deserve it do I? I mean, I want to hear his reasons for doing this.

But mostly, I want to know why he used me like this. Was I really a tool in his hands? A pawn to use? Did he really play me and my dreams and then throw me away? Why?

Because you were too naïve, says Tobiume.

I shake my head so hard it hurts, but I can´t get her voice out and it hurts to know that she is right.

________________________________________

They are gone. All of them. The captains and the lieutenants are gone to the Living World, to fight Aizen, leaving me behind.

She still needs to recover they say.

We don´t know how she will act if she sees Aizen.

I´m tired of their pity, of their worry. I´m tired of being everyone´s burden. This fight concerns me too, they cannot keep me away from it.

I won't be fooled by him again. He played me once but I´m not that little girl anymore.

I´ve seen hell and I almost died because of it. But I survived. I´m alive and I plan to keep being like that.

I am Hinamori Momo, lieutenant of the 5th Division and I am going to represent my Division in this fight. I am going to show that Aizen hasn´t broken us, hasn´t broke me.

I grab Tobiume´s hilt and exit the building. The light of the day is so strong that it makes me half-close my eyes.

"Let´s go, Tobiume" I whisper.

Let´s go.