literature

Pain

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Literature Text

Pain

The room was dark. No sound or movement was coming from the little girl in the bed. She lied there, her eyes shut, her mind lost in a far away memory, away from the pain the present had brought her. The only sound in the room came from a breathing machine. She couldn´t breath by herself, the bastard had pierced her lungs and she would have died of suffocation from her own blood if Unohana wasn´t there.

He watched her silently, as he had been doing since he could stand up from his own injuries. If Unohana hadn´t been there…

But he had been there too. And he had been completely useless. The memory was still fresh in his mind. He hadn´t thought for a second that that man was no ordinary shinigami, no Captain had such power. He had killed the Chamber of 46 and planned the entire treachery that was bringing the Gotei 13 to downfall. He could only see his childhood friend, the person he most held dear lying down, drowning in her own blood. The anger and the frustration of the past days where her world as well as his had crushed down, revealing a truth made of lies which had taken control over common sense. Guided only by the primitive desire to kill he hadn´t seen Aizen´s attack and the traitor tore him down with one slash.

And it doesn´t help him accept his defeat the knowledge that Aizen revealed to be much more stronger than anyone thought he was, managing to defeat even Kuchiki Byakuya. To know that he had failed to protect her, which almost cost her her life hurt even more than the raging hate he felt for that man.

He remembers the first time he had met him. Hinamori had told him so much about Captain Aizen that he had grown to hate him, jealous of the attention Hinamori paid him.

But then Aizen had greeted him, with his gentle smile and courteous demeanor and he could see what Hinamori saw in him too. He was a strong and wise Captain, always gentle and caring. He was an inspiration for Hinamori. He had grown to respect him.

He clenched his fists. He had been played too. Aizen had played everyone and had chosen Hinamori to be the victim of his game.Why, why her? She was so loving and gentle and clumsy and stupidly naïve, she would give the world to make someone happy.

Inspiring deeply he let go of his fists and came closer to her bed. She lied down, her skin pale, hair messed up on the pillow. She looked even more vulnerable than usual, like only a simple breeze could blow her away. It wasn´t right. She wasn´t supposed to be lying there in this dark room that smelled of medicaments and healing chants. She was made for the sun, the laughter, the warmth of the outside world. She shouldn´t be lying there in this room, dreaming of that uneventful moment that changed her forever.

It will not happen again. I will make him pay for what he has done.

It´s the only promise left for him to make.

He comes back the next day. And the day after. The people of the fourth division are now used to his cold reiatsu and they don´t panic anymore when they sense his spiritual pressure sliding through the doors. They leave him be, having heard the rumors about the past he shared with the girl. Unohana had warned him that his reiatsu might be too strong for her weak body to handle but she had always been somehow immune to his deadly freezing spiritual pressure.

So he spends every spare moment he has there. He leans on the wall, arms crossed across his chest, eyes never leaving her still figure. He searches for a change, a sign that would tell him she is getting better, she is coming back, but she isn´t.

Soul Society is at war. The divisions are in alert status everyday the entire day. The fifth division is in chaos. Having lost both their captain and vice-captain no one is there to guide them. He had took responsibility for them but taking care of two divisions is tiring even for a genius like him and he is grateful for those hours he can spend there with her, even if they bring painful thoughts.

Matsumoto had showed herself to be incredibly understanding of the situation. After the traitors left she had spent a week only drinking and sleeping but had come out from it perfectly calm and offered him her help with his work. She had been extremely calm, content and hardworking these days. He knew this behavior had to do with Ichimaru, he had caught her sad expression looking outside the window. She and Ichimaru were childhood friends and although he didn´t know the details of their relationship he had no doubts that his lieutenant loved Ichimaru no less than he loved Hinamori. He didn´t ask her anything and she didn´t ask back. Between them was a mutual and silent comprehension and he was grateful to her for that.

He is there again months later. She had woken up, her wounds completely healed, her mind broken. She refuses to accept the truth. She is slowly coming back to reality but she is still having hysteric attacks and has to take strong calming pills to prevent her from having nightmares. Aizen had shattered her mind and left her in pieces.

The war is approaching. Everyone is training to prepare for the battle. He trains until his legs can´t take his weight anymore. The image of Hinamori´s too skinny figure after her rehab, dark circles under her eyes is enough to engulf him with rage.

He walks closer to her sleeping figure and allows himself to stroke a strand of her hair. Tomorrow he will face Aizen. Tomorrow he will kill that monster. He can not fail this time. He cannot lose her to him.

Ten days have passed since Ichigo had defeated Aizen. In the end it had been that orange haired human who had defeated the traitor. Even with the combined powers of all the Captains and Vizards they hadn´t managed to defeat him. Soul Society was slowly returning to its normal routine, or so it seemed. For some people things have irremediably changed and they will carry the scars of the war for a long time. There was no coming back to how things were before.

He had spent his first four days after the war at fourth division station. They had to sedate him in order to be able to heal him. He had turned the barracs where he was held into a hell of ice, his reiatsu flowing uncontrolled, freezing everything it encountered, his rage had turned his mind blank. Only with Unohana´s power had they been able to knock him out and heal him.

When he woke up it took him little to understand what had happened. He was in a room of the fourth division, his arm and leg were again attached to his body. So they had won. How, he didn´t know. Ichigo had probably had something to do with it, but honestly he didn´t care now. He tried to move but pain stroked him and he fainted.

When he next woke up Matsumoto and Isane were beside him. The fourth division lieutenant approached him with a glass a water. He shook his head and slowly opened his mouth to speak, his voice croaking:

"…Hinamori?"

They had told him she had survived. But she was in coma again and under organ reconstruction in the twelfth division. Unohana had explained to him that her organs were damaged to the point that normal kidou healing was not enough and only the twelfth division possessed the technology to repair them. He had aimed too good. If Unohana hadn´t immediately rushed to stabilize her and if Hinamori herself hadn´t been a shinigami with high spiritual power…

If, if, if. It was time to stop with the if and take the matters into his own hands. He exited the fourth division on the eighth day, all his wounds perfectly healed. Unohana had recommended him to rest for a couple of days more but he ignored her. Yamamoto had been kind enough to give everyone two weeks of rehabilitation to spend by themselves, and rest from the battle. He didn´t have time to lose.

Outside Seireitei was a cave. It went deep in the ground, perfect to keep his reiatsu from exiting too much and he could train without being interrupted.

Only once had he sensed Matsumoto´s spiritual presence. She had stopped outside the cave and had stood there for a while. He knew what she was going through but didn´t get out to comfort her. He couldn´t comfort her, she had to cope with her reality by herself as he had to cope with his.

When he looks at his sword he sees his limits. The power he had achieved until now had only been able to hurt Hinamori. If he wants to protect her, he would need to become more powerful. He is not the type to philosophy much. His current strength and power is at a level that most shinigami can only dream of and he knows he has plenty of years ahead to become even more powerful but that is just not enough! It doesn´t matter if he can´t protect her.

"Bankai…"

The land of ice that is his heart covers everything. Again and again. He won´t stop. He will never stop protecting her from everything and everyone and himself too.

In this world of dead hopes he wants to walk beside her.
A/N: The angst... from Hitsugaya´s POV.
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